Ever since Donald Trump ascended to the throne of skulls, there's been an intense campaign to make it seem like his children won't be used as a kind of human centipede bribe funnel to the President. Oh sure, first there was talk of (not actually blind) blind trusts, but that started falling apart pretty quickly as his kids who were supposed to run his business sat in on transition meetings and Trump ultimately canceled a press conference that was supposed to detail how he would separate himself from his business interests. Now with all of that out of the way, Trump and his kids can focus on the important things in life: literally selling private access to the Trump family and the White House. For charity!

Until some time this morning when the charity auction was taken down, people had an opportunity to pay for access to Trump's favorite kid (we all know it), Ivanka, through Eric "Beavis" Trump's charity, which was selling a coffee date with Ivanka to benefit St. Jude Children's Research Hospital for the low, low price of $72,888 (next minimum bid was $77,888). Anyone can afford that, as the Times explains; normal people like a London investment manager and:

the owner of a Tex-Mex restaurant chain from Houston who wants to press Mr. Trump, through his daughter, about immigration policy, and a real estate executive and fringe presidential candidate from Florida who wants to send a message to Mr. Trump about election fraud.

What, you want to try to argue that we're not already living by the whims of restaurant chain owners? Good luck with that.

Usually buying a coffee date with Ivanka would just be the sad, fame humping opportunity rich people expect in exchange for doing a nice thing. The issue in this case, according to haters and losers like "ethics watchdogs" and “lawyers” is that Ivanka will have a key role in the White House and Eric and Donald Jr. will be running the Trump Organization that President Trump won't be divesting from, so this is essentially buying access to the White House. But hey, at least they're doing it out in the open, right RNC spokesperson Sean Spicer?

Still, even with this new definition of a conflict of interest, the Trumps have decided to end the opportunity to meet with Ivanka, and nuked the auction:

We're sure the Trump family will make an equal value donation to the children's research hospital anyway!