The radioactive toxic waste dump disguised as a human presidential candidate continued its hazardous public decay in Ohio last night. After being wheeled out on stage by campaign aides in HAZMAT suits, the glowing orange tub of gurgling waste declared that it had become sentient and was "just thinking to myself right now." The crowd of amazed bystanders leaned in closer toward the toxic waste, inexplicably risking further contamination as his thoughts were released into the open air:

As you can see from the video above, now even Batman is contaminated by the radioactive waste. This is exactly how the Joker got his start!

"We should just cancel the election and just give it to Trump, right?" the carcinogenic nightmare fuel wondered aloud. This inspired stroke of genius comes after weeks of Trump predicting that the upcoming election is "rigged" and the results will therefore be invalid.

Last night's "thinking" is, in some twisted way, the logical culmination of what preceded it. Since the election is bound to be stolen by Clinton, the presidency should simply be given to that barrel of high-level waste labeled "TRUMP." "Right?" After all, everything else has been given to him his whole life.

Shit, why didn't Trump's stupid handlers think of this "give Trump the election" strategy before? Could have saved everyone in America a lot of headaches.

It's unclear how many Ohio residents were contaminated by their exposure to Trump last night, but even second-hand Trump exposure through the news media and blogs like this can be harmful. Is the lead apron you stole from the dentist's office cinched up tight? Because in the same speech Trump called African-American neighborhoods "ghettos."

And we’re going to work on our ghettos, are in so the... you take a look at what’s going on where you have pockets of, areas of land where you have the inner cities and you have so many things, so many problems... So many horrible, horrible problems. The violence. The death. The lack of education. No jobs.

YES, the incoherent barrel of self-aware radioactive waste will solve all of these problems and more with the jobs created by his high-speed monorail. It's going to be tremendous, folks, the best really. And by the way, Shelbyville's monorail? No jobs. No jobs. Horrible problems. Nasty possums. Bitey. The violence. Emails. ISIS. SAD.

It is surprising Trump has decided to cancel the election now, after an Artificial Intelligence system that correctly predicted the outcome of the last three U.S. presidential elections crunched the numbers and determined that Donald Trump will be America's next, and final, president. Unless, of course, "giving" Trump the election now is exactly what the AI system has in mind.

In which case we welcome our new Trump overlord. Just inject the plutonium into our cerebral cortex and get it over with.