America was greatly divided in the days leading up to the inauguration of Donald John Trump—so divided that some members of Congress planned to skip the inauguration entirely, while Trump's approval ratings cratered and large scale protests were anticipated nationwide. Then, at the eleventh hour, along came Michigan man Rob Cortis and his Trump Unity Bridge to heal a fractured nation.

Cortis has been driving his 40-foot-long Trump Unity Bridge around the midwest since October, and he's now passing through NYC on his way to Washington, D.C., where Donald Trump is expected to acquire nuclear weapons on Friday. In a Go Fund Me page for bridge-related expenses, Cortis explains his mission:

We have pride in our country and want the constitution to be read as the founding fathers intended it to be. With all the division this political season, we felt it was important to bring to the forefront issues that unite all Americans together. The Trump Unity Bridge is indeed doing that bridging the gap on issues that will unite all Americans together as one under a Donald Trump Presidency.

Yes, nothing screams unity like "LOCK HER UP 2017" signs on a giant symbolic TRUMP bridge blaring nationalistic jingles. But it's nice Cortis thinks the Constitution is important; perhaps a literal reading of the emoluments clause can bring America back together?

During Trump's campaign, the Trump Unity Bridge caught the eye of Trump's sons; Cortis says he met Donald Jr. in Michigan and later drove his bridge down to the Trump family compound in Palm Beach, where Eric Trump presumably walked back and forth across it for hours with an expression of stupefied wonder plastered to his dumb ass face.

So far there are no reports of New Yorkers slashing the Trump Unity Bridge truck tires or trying to set it on fire or urinating all over it or driving it into the Gowanus Canal. We are a tolerant city where freedom of speech and expression is welcome, no matter how ugly, garish, ignorant, and misguided!