So you've got your guide to the best public and quasi-public bathrooms in the city, and you know which subway bathrooms are usable in an emergency, and you're even following the public bathroom Instagram account that lets you know which ones are clean. Yet you still want more out of life. You want to poop in a van, preferable in the presence of a TV star. Uh, good news I guess, your dream is now a reality.
A leading toilet paper company, whose mascot answers the question "Does a bear sh*t in the woods?" with "Yes and it also uses toilet paper for some reason," announced in a press release that they'll be putting the 'move' in bowel movements by driving a mobile toilet around Manhattan. The general public is hereby invited to do their dirty, sinful business in it.
The Charmin Mobile Feces Unit will be driving around Columbus Circle, Bryant Park and Herald Square today, and will service people in Lincoln Center, Rockefeller Plaza, Union Square and the High Line tomorrow on June 22nd. You can't flag it down like a cab though, instead you'll have to visit a website Charmin set up to let you request a visit from the Piss Van. (The company calls it "Van-Go, so while it looks like it's a truck, not a van, we're going to let them have this one, since they're kind enough to let us soil it.)
And to make you feel more at ease relieving yourself inside a van instead of behind a van, like you usually do on late nights, Anthony Anderson of black-ish will be riding around in the van to...encourage you to do your thing I guess.
Not to be the "Why do we live in a capitalist hellscape world where we've got poop vans sponsored by toilet paper companies instead of public toilets provided by a government who gives a...uh...damn about us" guy, but seriously, the city could invest in public bathrooms to alleviate the public's reliance on corporations for mobile bowel movements.