Initially we were heartened to read the TMZ report that Mitt Romney's campaign paid $500,000 to book Journey for a fundraiser in Tampa. That's the CRAZY Uncle Mitt we know! If Romney could drive such a hard bargain with the manager of a 40-year-old band that has two original members, just imagine how he'd negotiate with the leader of Iran. Alas, a campaign spokesperson told BuzzFeed a curt, "no," which can only mean that the campaign actually paid the band $500,001 and plans on writing it off as a deduction in 2013.

The booking of The Band That Middle-Aged White Dudes Play Before They Think They're Going To Get Laid would seem at odds with comments made by Romney today on FOX that sought to reassure women that his ticket won't teleport them back to 1950 (or if your Brian Fischer, 1918). Romney said that the anger surrounding Missouri Rep. Todd Akin's comments on rape "hurts our party and I think is damaging to women." He added, "It really is sad, isn't it, with all the issues that America faces for the Obama campaign to continue to stoop to such a low level."

So enough of this baseless, 70's ballad-rock speculation! Besides, a fiscal conservative like Romney would never drop $500K on a band. Sure, seniors will pay more under his Medicare plan and the middle class will have to pony up to pay for those tax breaks for "job creators" (PDF), but that will force us to watch our spending on frivolous things, like food. And besides, Toto would have done it for $300.