"What we've always said is Times Square should be unusual,” Times Square Alliance president Tim Tompkins said yesterday, in defense of proposed legislation that would regulate costumed workers. “Quirky is fine, but creepy is not." Sorry Tim, but if you can't accept that Times Square is a phantasmagoric owl pellet of the American id, maybe you should grab a steaming sack of Nutz 4 Nutz and hop on the Megabus to Mayberry.

Last year’s legislation to designate “Activity Zones” AKA Free Speech Cages shriveled up like an exposed nipple in the fall air, so this year lawmakers and business interests are taking a warmer approach.

Tompkins and City Councilmember Dan Garodnick are pushing for legislation that would give the DOT the authority to create “plaza-specific rules” and to regulate the “use of, and activities within, an individual pedestrian plaza.”

"Just two days ago a tourist in Times Square faced off in a physical altercation with Spiderman allegedly in a dispute over a tip," Garodnick said yesterday. "We need to protect tourists and New Yorkers."

If Spider-Man kicks SLR-Toting-Man, that’s assault. If Batman curses and cajoles for more tip money, that’s aggressive solicitation. Laws exist to protect tourists and New Yorkers from those who break them, and they are being enforced in Times Square, as the parade of news stories every time a costumed character or topless woman is arrested, ad nauseum, attests.

What this new proposal (and the old proposals) really defines is taste. Shrieking signage, overpriced General Tso’s nachos, a chiseled white guy in a cowboy hat, and entire stores devoted to a candy product that can literally be purchased anywhere in America are all “quirky”.

Workers, many of them minorities, who put on a costume or paint their bodies or hawk bus tickets to eek out an existence in the same hectic space are all “creepy.”

A record 59.7 million people are estimated to visit New York City this year, and the City's tourism bureau urges them to see Times Square, the “safe, family-friendly destination that no visitor will want to miss.”

But these lawmakers and business owners want order where there has always been controlled chaos. They want Times Square, "no randos." They want humans but not humanity. "No Elmos" was never part of The New Colossus.