Tiger Woods is in Augusta, Georgia for this weekend's Masters golf tournament, sporting a new "rough-looking" goatee that made him look suspiciously like Evil Cartman. Per the Evil Parallel Universe, Evil Cartman is actually nicer than real Cartman, so maybe this is Woods's attempt to show people he's not a cheating husband who loves sexting his ladies on the side. He did say at a news conference, "All I know is I acted just terribly. I just made some incredibly bad decisions, decisions that hurt so many people close to me."

Woods also said he hopes to win the tournament and admitted that he had been treated by Canadian doctor Anthony Galea, who U.S. authorities are investigating for allegedly giving athletes performance enhancing drugs. Woods told reporters, "He did come to my house, he never gave me HGH. I had PRP [platelet rich plasma] treatment" while the golfer had knee trouble. According to ESPN, PRP treatment, also known as "blood spinning," is a "30-minute procedure, [where] a tube of a patient's blood is put in a centrifuge and spun, producing concentrated platelets. The platelets contain growth factors that accelerate tissue repair and regeneration. The platelets then are injected into the injury site."

Woods said that he'll cooperate with the feds whenever they want him, but they haven't asked him yet. Alex Rodriguez met with investigators last week and said he never received performance enhancing drugs from Galea.