What with all the massive busts and small-time stabbings, the mob just ain't what it used to be. Nowadays nobody takes any pride in their work, as evidenced by a recent Albanian mob hit gone awry in the Bronx. According to the Post, Bajram Lajqi was upset at an associate who had helped him smuggle drugs so Lajqi set out kill the man as he left the Tosca Cafe. After he and a partner slashed their target's tires, the plan was to wait for him to leave the restaurant and quietly kill him before he could escape. At the last second Lajqi felt this wasn't an inspired enough plan, and ended up punching him in the face in the restaurant. A punch? Where's the ice pick? Where's the head-in-the-vice?

Lajqi was able to neutralize a bouncer by pulling a gun, but by that time the man was fleeing on foot, so he had to settle for some not-so-quiet gunshots as a last ditch effort. He must be a halfway-decent shot, because the victim was "hit in his left and right thighs…but was somehow able to run away." In case Lajqi wanted to play Monday-morning quarterback, the entire incident was on the restaurant's surveillance camera. Maybe Lajqi would be better off joining the nitrous mafia.