On November 13th, The U.S. Marshals Service ("America‟s Oldest Federal Law Enforcement Agency!") will auction off over 400 pieces of personal property, jewelry, and antiques that once belonged to Bernard L. Madoff and his wife, Ruth. They're pushing jewelry, they're unloading silverware, they're dumping furniture, artwork and even Madoff's beautiful black velveteen slippers, seen here. We bet they're so comfortable that Madoff never even felt the jagged shards of all the broken dreams he clambered over on his way to the top of the pyramid.

The Post reports that an auction last year of forfeited Madoff loot raked in $1 million for Madoff's victims. So unfortunately that personalized Madoff Mets jacket is already taken! But we WANT those slippers, you guys. So mark your calendars for Saturday, November 13th at 10 a.m. and head for the Sheraton New York Hotel & Towers. Whoever brings us the velveteen slippers of Bernard Madoff will be invited to get in ON THE GROUND FLOOR of an EXCITING NEW INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY that's guaranteed to yield untold millions!