The Hamptons is a magical place where $25K bottles of champagne are chilled during a 10,000-foot free-fall and served by a skydiver, where people park their cars in the ocean, and where people hide in Chevy Chase's bushes. So it's no surprise that they have the most delightfully Hamptons-y police blotter known to man. Gawker rounded up some of the excellent work The East Hampton Star has done keeping track of these rogue turtles and coffeepots over the last five months. And we've picked out our ten favorites below.

  • 10/31: Police were called out for the Ragamuffin Parade last Sunday but there were no cases of unruliness reported.
  • 10/24: A Woods Lane resident called police Sunday evening, worried that he had left his coffeepot on. When police got to the house, a caretaker told them he had turned it off.
  • 10/10: Two men charged with aggravated drunken driving who were seated next to each other on the prisoners’ bench Sunday morning found that their families knew each other.
  • 10/03: Late one night, an elderly resident of Egypt Close reported a prowler with a flashlight in her yard. Police concluded that what she’d seen was her neighbor turning on his lights.
  • 10/03: The defendant [arrested for a DUI; in the Hamptons for a wedding] asked Justice Cahill if he could talk to her about getting an attorney. “Talk to the bride. She has connections,” the justice said, as she set bail at $500.
  • 9/26: Vehicles parking for a Georgica Road yard sale drew the ire of Peter Minnick on Saturday morning. He told police that drivers were parking on his lawn and damaging the grass. Police told him that no laws were being broken and that the grass would be fine.
  • 8/29: A $16,000 stainless steel Rolex watch encrusted with diamonds was reported stolen by a Scarsdale, N.Y., woman last Thursday. She told police it was taken from her bag while she was at Main Beach. On Sunday police received a voicemail message from the woman, telling them she was back home and had found the watch there.
  • 8/15: A large turtle was reported making its way across the 7-Eleven parking lot last week. By the time an officer arrived, it had reached the back of the professional building, headed toward the sandy beach beyond. No action was taken.
  • 7/18: A Pleasant Lane homeowner found a large American flag on Newtown Lane on July 10. Police took charge of the flag.
  • 5/16: Police investigating reported “cursing and shouting” on Newtown Lane one afternoon last week came upon a Montauk 17-year-old “who was attempting to free-style rap.” He was asked to take his artistry elsewhere, which he did.

[via Gawker]