Are your allergies so severe you can't stop sneezing long enough to finish reading a complete sentence? Can you no longer recall the features on your girlfriend's face because your eyes have been swollen shut for weeks now? Has the base of your nose developed calluses from such frenetic tissue-use? Have you sneezed yet? How about now? How about now?
Your miserable spring is brought to you by what has been dubbed a "pollen tsunami," thanks to this winter's particularly nasty cold. Dr. Clifford Basset, the medical director at Allergy and Asthma Care of New York, told DNAinfo that the heavy snow and rain made pollen "more potent." Isn't that charming?
"We’re seeing what's called a double whammy," he told the news site. "We’ve been hit hard the last 10 days."
Additionally, New York's high levels of carbon dioxide gas can also trigger trees to produce pollen in overtime: “The pollen itself is ‘super-charged’ from increased greenhouse gases in the environment, resulting in greater allergy misery,” Bassett told Daily Intel.
What can you do? Nothing, unless you want to avoid the outdoors and thus, all that is good about spring.
If you don't suffer from allergies, congratulations! And fuck you! I'm going to go lie down now.