Gather round, kids, the MTA wants to tell you a story! Sure, we've all heard this story many times before—it's that one about a sick subway passenger who, once upon a time, inadvertently made thousands of New Yorkers post angry tweets about being late for work. But there's a twist to the MTA's new version of this classic tale: the sick passenger is actually a beautiful princess kidnapped by a fire-breathing turtle sorcerer king named Bowser, and only a pair of determined Italian plumbers can get the trains running on time... at least, that's the conclusion we're drawing from this 8-bit video the MTA shared today:

We asked the MTA if this video means they'll be hiding coins in bricks throughout the subway for aggravated commuters to punch, but we're probably reading too much into it. The video was presented today during a meeting of the MTA's Transit Committee, which convened to examine subway delays and how they can be mitigated.

You can check out the full presentation below; it concludes with several recommendations, like enhancing inspections at locations with a high number of incidents, as well as "increased ultrasonic testing." Asked what that means, an MTA spokesman explained, "Ultrasonic testing is when our special cars traverse the system with high-tech cameras and sensors to find rail flaws before they can cause problems." And here is one of those special cars in action:

Subway Delay Presentation