Westchester County has been invaded by BATS, which are potentially rabid (though probably not) and roosting in homes all over the area. BATS. It's times like these you learn to appreciate the subway rats, since those little guys prefer to scamper away, typically non-tempted by soft city human flesh. BATS.

Apparently, Westchester County's Health Department reported nearly 50 instances of bats living in homes in one week, with complaints rolling in by the bundle at the beginning of August. None of the bats brought in tested positive for rabies, thankfully, but nearly 20 people who reported the critters but were unable to catch them still had to get preventative vaccines AAAAaRGHAGH.

Health Department officials recommend that anyone who finds a bat in their home capture it, bag it and freeze it so it can be brought in for testing. But this must be done carefully, and please don't smash the bat: "We don’t want anybody taking a rolled up magazine or their shoe and smashing the bat because we need the head of that bat intact so we can test it,” Assistant Commissioner Peter DeLucia told 1010 WINS.

Here, Westchester residents, is a zoomed-in photo of a bat. This animal has potentially taken up residence in your home while it prepares to birth a colony of babies that will eventually grow up and drive recklessly on the West Side Highway.

The Westchester County Health Department has provided some helpful tips on how to capture a bat in your home:

You’ll need a coffee can, a stiff piece of cardboard and a bit of bravery. Turn on room lights and close the windows. Close the room and closet doors. Wait for the bat to land. Wearing gloves, place a coffee can, pail or similar container over the bat. Slide a piece of cardboard under the container to trap the bat. Firmly hold the cardboard in place against the top of the container, turn it right side up and tape the cardboard tightly to the container. Once you have caught the bat, call the Westchester County Department of Health at 914-813-5000 to learn what to do next.

They have also made this instructive video to help with all the bat-catching, though it features much less screaming and crying than one would experience while trapping a bat IRL.

NEVER MOVE TO THE SUBURBS.