A couple from Munford, Tennessee won a third of the $1.58 billion Powerball jackpot on Wednesday, which is very nice for them. But instead of, say, staying anonymous so legions of poor family members don't come up with elaborate schemes to leech them dry, the duo took their winning ticket to New York and blasted it all over the Today Show. HAS HISTORY TAUGHT YOU NOTHING?????!!!!!
John and Lisa Robinson bought four Powerball tickets at a local Tennessee food mart just a few hours before Wednesday night's drawing, and now they have $533 million, or $327.8 million after taxes. But the Robinsons haven't brought the ticket to officials in Tennessee yet—instead, inexplicably, they decided to bring a slip of paper worth $327.8 million all the way to New York and wave it around on national television. "Now I'll be nervous because everybody knows,'' John Robinson said on the show this morning. YEAH DUH.
Up next in idiot Powerball news, a nurse in California who allegedly had one of the other winning jackpot tickets was actually just being pranked by her terrible son, and now she is definitely not a multimillionaire. According to the Post, the nurse worked for a Pomona health center whose owner purchased 18,000 tickets for his employees. He's apparently sending the punked nurse and her family on a free trip, but that's still not $327.8 million, so.
Then again, she might have gotten the better end of the deal—lottery winners, by the way, live historically tragic lives after cashing in their wins, suffering from gambling and drug addictions, losing friends and family members, falling into debt and bankruptcy, and ending up, well, murdered. Enjoy New York, Robinson family!