Yesterday Governor Cuomo signed a bill that prevents children under the age of 17 from using tanning beds, ensuring that they'll never look good in time for that sweet Hamptons beach party with no parents they paid $350 for. "Exposure to UV radiation can be extremely harmful, particularly for younger people," Cuomo says in a statement. "This new law will help protect teenagers from the heightened risk of skin cancer that can come from using indoor tanning devices." Now where will teenagers go to be bathed in UV light?

The ban will go into effect in 30 days, and teenagers between the ages of 17 and 18 will need a parental consent form to use a tanning bed. Proponents of the measure noted at a press conference in May that cases of melanoma in women ages 15 to 29 have risen more than 50% from 1973 to 2004.

"I think the risk of developing melanoma outweigh the benefits," professor Martin Tenniswood of the University at Albany School of Public Health's cancer research center tells the Times Union, referring to the same people who copulate on metal benches outside an IKEA. And won't this designating of tanning as an "adult" activity make teens want to do it even more? Maybe all tanning beds should just have a certain photo on the lid.