Though things may have cooled down outside IKEA, teenagers are continuing to copulate with impunity on a quiet street in Midwood. “We’re tired of all the activities that take place here after midnight and we’re tired of not being safe,” Olean Street resident Nelson Soto told the Brooklyn Daily, presumably referring to the high levels of radiation that emanate from the loins of teenagers as they engage in sex acts. Soto helped form a neighborhood watch association to combat the issue, and is asking the city to intervene. “We’ve offered to do everything on our own—but in a way our hands are tied," Soto said, similar to how Brandon's hands were tied up by Kimberly last week on Olean Street, which sources close to Brandon say turned out to be "really hot."
Residents also claim that the street—which is partially missing a sidewalk and is heavily wooded—is subject to "illegal dumpers, loiterers, drug users and prostitutes, but an earlier report of the teenage sex has the salacious details:
A recent visit by this newspaper found used condoms discarded alongside a row of backyards—proof that the rendezvous have surpassed the level of innocent teenage hookups.
“You’re working people, you’re off on the weekend, and they make so much noise you can’t relax,” said the woman, who believes that the teens hail from Midwood’s Orthodox Jewish community. The teens are even doing drugs on the block, she said.
Teenagers practicing loud, safe sex? Those sick, twisted bastards. Luckily, City Council Member Michael Nelson has received a commitment from the city that the love-shielding trees along the block (seen above) will be pruned, "a move some residents hope will shed some light on the illicit activities" and some teenagers hope will finally allow them to see the moon from their car windows so they can set the right mood by the third bottle of Mike's.