It's hard to imagine that the neighborhood that spawned Jefftown and that "Brooklyn Girls" video was ever cheap, but it certainly isn't now—Bushwick homes saw the largest increase in value this year, boasting a startling spike of 31.2 percent. You've got to be a high roller if you want to live near Brooklyn's dopest shopping mall.

According to Crain's, Bushwick is a super "hot" neighborhood now, having drummed up a median home value of $560,500 in June 2014, as opposed to $427,200 the year prior. Crain's says the spike is thanks to "increased interest from families and investors alike," so you can thank Zosia Mamet and that guy who'll probably turn a decrepit rowhouse on Evergreen Ave into a condo (with juliet balconies!) for this.

Other "hot" neighborhoods this year include Washington Heights, Borough Park, Hamilton Heights and Bed-Stuy, which saw a record-setting real estate sale spike this year.

In summation, you can shell out upwards of half a million dollars to live near all this sparkly dog shit, you can rent a creaky half-loft room within a stone's throw of screaming bar patrons for upwards of $1,000/month, or you can suck it up and rent out this fancy cage for a buck.