Super Bowl Boulevard—sorry, Super Bowl Boulevard Engineered by GMC—is not just an obscenely commercialized meathead fantasia that's clogging our streets with slow-moving sports tourists/meticulously targeted consumers. It's also a Harbinger of Death. Yes, just ask poor Cliff Jacobs, who manages Peters Flowers and Gifts on Broadway and 38th. From a stirring NY Times article confirming everything wrong with Super Bowl Boulevard Engineered by GMC:

The orchids are dying, and Cliff Jacobs blames the Super Bowl. No, the kickoff is not until Sunday. What is killing the orchids, he said, is Super Bowl Boulevard, the urban theme park celebrating the big game that was constructed on 14 blocks of Broadway that were closed to traffic on Monday.

Whenever the door opens in the flower shop he runs, at 1407 Broadway, at West 38th Street, cold air blasts in. This week, the door has been opened not by people who want bouquets, but by people who want warmth after standing a little too long on Super Bowl Boulevard... “It’s a disaster,” Mr. Jacobs said on Wednesday.

According to the Times, some business owners lament that the Boulevard of Branding has not been the economic boon they anticipated. One nearby sports bar owner asks, "Where are the people? We are a sports bar, and the Super Bowl has brought no additional business." Sorry, they're waiting on line to pay $5 to go down a slide.

And of course the traffic is even more of a nightmare, whether you try to machete your way through the streets on foot or pin your sad, futile hopes on a cab. Worst of all, however, are the aesthetics. Yesterday we utilized hundreds of words in a struggle to convey how vulgar and soul crushing the whole steroidal marketing stunt turned out to be. Area man Shane Furey nails it in 15: "It looks like a county fair that got vomited on by a lot of advertising."

Mr. Furey, we're buying you a cup of organic Bancha tea at Candle Cafe after Sunday night's World Politics talk at the 92nd Street Y.