The MTA is having itself a Very Rough Morning, which you may have noticed if you happened to attempt a rush hour commute on the A, C, F, G, 4, 5, 6, R, or W trains.

Today's meltdown comes courtesy of a catalogue of switch, signal, brake, door issues–basically every part of the transit system. According to the MTA, a switch malfunction at 88th Street wrought "extensive delays" for A train riders. Separately, a train had its brakes activated at Church Avenue, cooking up long waits and "human meat" conditions for Manhattan-bound F and G trains. A malfunctioning signal at Grand Central is presently causing delays for 4, 5, 6 passengers in both directions, which means some 5 trains are running on the 2 line. Fun!

And then you've got your unannounced headaches, as editorial director Jen Carlson experienced on the C train this morning:

So I had seen that the A was having issues but the MTA app claimed the C had “good service” — usually I take a chance when this happens and it works out. Also, the app had trains arriving at my station, High Street, every few minutes. When I got down there that was pretty much the case, but every train was too crowded to get on, and the platform became more and more crowded as a result. Eventually desperate commuters were shoving themselves into overstuffed train cars, but I don’t mess with that shit because what if the train gets stuck in the tunnel and you are trapped like that? No thanks! I settled in on the platform, Slacked that I’d be late, and put on Phish, “Blaze On,” 7/29/17, MSG (Baker’s Dozen, Cinnamon night). That song is 23 minutes long and I was still there when it ended because the trains just fully stopped coming in to the station, and the app times kept moving (next A train at 8:45 moved to 9:02! etc). Anyway, I eventually made it in — what did I miss?

Not much, since nearly everyone else was stuck on the trains as well! (A reliably good indicator that we will have to do one of these posts).

Gothamist writer Claire Lampen says she too left home feeling optimistic, only to find herself in the icy grip of commuter chaos. "I left my house feeling so hopeful, so assured of being absolutely on time, even early!" she writes. "But the G train, which was not posting delays or charting any indication that it might opt out this morning, had other plans."

After nearly 30 minutes, a G train did eventually arrive, though it was so densely packed with suffering that some people apparently tried to escape.

"The passengers who attempted to flee found themselves blocked by people jostling to get the hell on already, everyone is so late, which made for a fun game of human Tetris," explains a weary Lampen. "The car was too crowded inside for me to unpin my arms from my side to take a pic, but it was admittedly kind of cozy to be so securely held by the puffer coats closing in all around me. Like a sleeping bag that's alive and really unspeakably pissed to be here!"

Here are some Tweets to keep you blood warm:

A spokesperson for the MTA did not immediately respond to Gothamist's inquiries about what the hell is going on. If you are presently stuck on any of the bad trains, just sit tight and be grateful it's Friday.

[UPDATE: I've been informed that it is somehow not Friday.]