Proving what we already knew about those Standard Oil-emulating, stripper tears-drinking, tax-dodging, climate science-denying bastards, a study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences suggests that rich people are more likely to lie, cheat, and break the law without compunction, for their personal gain. The study's abstract notes "that upper-class individuals’ unethical tendencies are accounted for, in part, by their more favorable attitudes toward greed."

“It’s not that the rich are innately bad," the study's lead author, PhD candidate Paul Piff tells Bloomberg News (presumably not to hurt their feelings), "But as you rise in the ranks—whether as a person or a nonhuman primate—you become more self-focused."

In one study, wealthier individuals were more likely to cheat on a dice game that would net them a $50 gift certificate. "A $50 prize is a measly sum to people who make $250,000 a year, so why would they cheat?" Piff asks. Our guess: burning an Applebees gift card in front of a working class person brings more joy than spending it, but Piff says it's because unlike lower-class individuals who "must rely more on their community to get by," upper-class folk are too absorbed in the quest for more money.

In observing 426 vehicles at a crosswalk, the researchers found that almost 50% of the "higher-status cars" didn't yield to pedestrians, while all of the "lowest-status" vehicles allowed the pedestrian to cross. This is known as the Bob Novak effect.

The study acknowledges that there are exceptions to the findings, but we couldn't hear them over the din of our hand-crafted hurlbat, Norgor the Pinstripe Slayer, hitting the grindstone. “Rapacious, intolerant, nonempathetic capitalism that says lie, cheat, steal, it’s only the bottom line that matters—aside from being morally repugnant, it’s got a dim future," Arthur Caplan, director of UPenn's Center for Bioethics says. One can only hone hope.