The Post is really in its element with today's top story about a Hell's Kitchen strip club that has lost business this week because—strippers say—the Sanitation Dept. has been piling snow 15 feet high outside their front door.

In an article headlined "Bad news 'bares'—Strip-joint customers melt away," the tabloid reports that the Sanitation Department "caused lap dances at jiggle joint HeadQuarters Cabaret to grind to a halt... Strippers were forced to totter through an arctic winterscape in their stiletto heels. By the early-morning hours, the Sanitation Department had packed such massive mounds outside the mammary mecca that men couldn't get down the street to the front door." And meanwhile, those tree-hugging bike riders are pedaling around on their pristine, snow-free bike lanes (no doubt headed to gay clubs in the well-plowed West Village)! Has the whole world gone crazy? Won't someone think of the strippers?

The Sanitation Department says it has no choice but to pile its snow outside the West 38th Street club. They're running a snow-melting machine there, you see, and that spot happens to be by one of the city's biggest sewers. "There are only certain sewer lines that can accept the water from a snow melter," explains spokeswoman Kathy Dawkins, who probably hates topless dancers. But her spin is small consolation for the cash-starved dancers, who say that Sanitation Department workers have even stopped potential customers from coming down the street to the club.

"It's been dead," says starving dancer Valentina Torres, 22. "As you can see, no one is here. The street is closed so we don't even get our regular customers. Basically, this has been a wasted week. As long as the sanitation [workers] are out there, no one will come!" We're sure this has been a tough week over at the 11th Avenue strip club, but in our experience, it takes a little more than a pile of snow and some sanitation workers to deter men on a strip club mission. Could it possibly be that city's impassable, snow-covered roads might have something to do with this week's tragically empty g-strings?