Mark Twain once told a reporter who expected to find him on his deathbed, "The report of my death was an exaggeration." But Mark Twain was also living in a massive house in Connecticut so screw him. 71-year-old Staten Island resident Margaret Arrighetti has been declared dead three times by the Social Security Administration, and according to CBS has been denied prescription medication because of it. When asked what her current status with the SSA is, Arrighetti says, "I will cross my fingers and pray to God that I'm alive." Cogito ero sum, Margaret!

Because of the SSA's errors, she was denied her last three Social Security payments shortly after the death of her husband. "It upset me to a point, but I was more upset because Larry was not here." She's also incurred $200 in overdraft fees because the government has had to mail her paper checks in lieu of direct deposit. The SSA said that “when a bank puts a death indicator on a joint account, sometimes that covers both parties by mistake," and doesn't reimburse for overdraft fees, but THREE TIMES? It almost makes us want to go all Ron Paul and make Social Security optional! (No it doesn't.)