A Staten Island man is accused of assaulting three men using a wooden sword and a knife in a fight outside a bar in Great Kills early Sunday morning. It's unclear what sparked the altercation, but according to court papers, Christopher Matthies, 27, kicked things up a notch by driving to his nearby home to retrieve a knife and... a wooden sword.

Police say the fight started inside the bar and spilled outside. After Matthies returned with his unusual assortment of weapons, he allegedly stabbed all three victims, who were subsequently hospitalized with non-life threatening injuries—though one remains in ICU, the Staten Island Advance reports.

Matthies himself got cut up during the fracas, and prosecutors say police found him by following a trail of blood to his home. This, his lawyer asserts, is evidence that Mattheis is most certainly the victim, not the perpetrator. "There was a trail of blood leading back to his house because he was bleeding! He was bleeding profusely,” defense attorney John Murphy argued at Mattheis's arraignment. “The wounds that are on his hands and body are entirely consistent with defensive wounds... He has a slice under his arm. He has bruising all over his body… His hand is all cut up." Not Guilty!

Matthies claims he's a part-time bouncer at the bar, the Dugout Pub, and that he was jumped after leaving the establishment. But the owner tells the Advance, "I never even saw this guy. The guys I have are big, professional, know how to talk to people and are certified."

Matthies is charged with attempted murder and assault, among other charges. He's being held on $100,000 bail, which unfortunately for him cannot be paid in wooden nickels.