The fact of the matter is that we receive an absurd number of emails containing photos of decapitated goat heads found in (or dangling nearby) Prospect Park. Probably more than you. If you take issue with that statement because you are secretly accumulating a dossier of goat head photos, I would like to have a word with you.

In the spirit of our ongoing effort to bridge the gap between blogging and hard-hitting reporting, we reached out to the Parks Department with a series of tough questions about Goat Heads, which, if it's ever answered, we will be expanding into a book. (The title Tough Questions About Goat Heads was unfortunately already snaked by Jonathan Franzen late last year, so alternate suggestions are welcome.)

Here's what we asked, more or less:

How often do you find goat heads in Prospect Park, and do they always look so sad?

Do goat heads appear more often at certain times of the year? Is there a season for goat heads?

Do you keep data on the goat heads? How many do you find annually? Weekly? Monthly? Minutely?

What do goat heads like to eat?

When goat heads cry, what do they say?

What is the half-life of a goat head, and will it keep until Christmas? (I need a new centerpiece; last year's woke up in the middle of coffee.)

If you had to stack all the goat heads you've found in Prospect Park into a pile, would the pile be closer to the size of an Egyptian pyramid, Everest (South Col) or a men's sandal, size 10?

Please stack all of the goat heads you've ever found in Prospect Park into a pile and then respond ASAP. My deadline is 5 p.m.

Thank you.