Science says that kids need recess (nevermind that Science also says winos won't get sunburned—Science works in mysterious ways) to work out the wiggles* and show kids that they can indeed interact with their friends away from a computer screen. Parents of students at PS 58 want to ensure that their children get recess, even when it's snowy, and they want to close Carroll Street between Court and Smith Streets in Carroll Gardens on days when the playground is too ice-covered to be used. But a few civic leaders are opposed to the pint-sized block party, claiming that the street is too busy to be closed. Clearly, they have never played games of manhunt that spanned multiple recesses.

"This is going to be an issue because you’ve got the convergence of two busy commercial corridors and a park that would be impacted,” a CB 6 board member tells the Post, referring to Carroll Park. "We probably should look to see what alternatives exist." Look for the PS 58's already perilous "fidget index" to skyrocket next quarter.

*Actual words spoken by a 5th grade teacher in 1997