Since the images of diseased internal organs didn't adequately convince people to quit smoking, the Bloomberg administration is trying a new approach: Smoking will ruin your sex life.

NYC Quits, a website produced by the Health Department, offers smokers a long list of compelling reasons why they should stub out their cigarettes, appealing to both their health and their vanity. "Feel better," it says. "Get rid of your cough, breathe easier, have more energy and stop feeling sick all the time." You'll look better, you'll smell less gross, and (to paraphrase), you'll finally be treated like a human and not some social pariah trapped on a frigid balcony while your friends and family snuggle together in the fragrant, smoke-free indoor air.

But most importantly: "Men who smoke can have trouble getting and keeping an erection. Women who smoke have more difficulty getting and staying pregnant." A sidebar also warns women that smoking during adolescence and young adulthood also might result in the increased risk of severe PMS.

Smoking advocates dismiss this information as fear-mongering. “The biggest wet noodle around here has been Bloomberg. His idea of civil liberties is the equivalent of erectile dysfunction,” Audrey Silk of Citizens Lobbying Against Smoker Harassment told the Post. “The ‘greatest generation’—the group with the heaviest smoking prevalence—came back from World War II and produced the baby boom. Does that sound like erectile dysfunction to you?”

And anyway, erectile dysfunction will never happen to these cocksure young things and their stylish eyewear. Not until they turn 20, at least.