Despite a court-ordered 2010 report that showed that there was "actionable balance sheet manipulation" at Lehman Brothers, the emails to prove that company brass knew about it, and a Lehman employee who was willing to help expose wrongdoing at the company, the SEC will do nothing. Bloomberg News obtained a memo prepared by SEC investigators that states that the agency likely will not recommend any enforcement action against the firm or its executives. Screw up a food festival in Brooklyn, and you'll taste justice in 48 hours. Help cause the implosion of the global economy? Nothing to see here, folks!

At a hearing last month before Congress, SEC Chairman Mary Schapiro testified, “Our staff has conducted an independent and extremely extensive investigation of all these issues." Ah, yes, the "staff" members who are all waiting to get high-paying jobs in the future from the firms they investigate, right. Those staff members.

When reached for comment, the American people emitted a short, surprised yelp, followed by a long wail of anger, before the sound was drowned out by the noise of the scraping of metal on stone.