A new study shows that researchers are 99.999 certain human activity is responsible for catastrophic climate change. But just as that fifth dentist threatens to undermine Trident gum's ability to keep your teeth clean, feel free to hold out for that 0.001 percent chance that the melting polar ice caps are just the sun's natural way of giving polar bears bigger swimming pools. ¯\(ツ)/¯

The U.N.'s already established that humans are at least 95 percent responsible for steadily rising temperatures and sea levels, but apparently that's far too much leeway. So today, a study published in the scientific journal Climate Risk Management purports that there's a less than one chance in 100,000 that the devastating global warming affecting our planet would exist at this level without human greenhouse gas emissions.

Researchers with CSIRO, Australia's national science agency, pitted global temperatures against "well-known drivers of temperature variation," like El Nino, solar radiation, and good old-fashioned greenhouse gas emissions. "Our analysis showed that in the absence of human-caused greenhouse gas emissions, there would have been more than twice as many periods of short-term cooling than are found in the observed data," they wrote, adding that the study "showed that the probability of getting the same run of warmer-than-average months without the human influence was less than 1 chance in 100,000."

Not that any of this matters, considering scientists have been screaming into global policymakers' ears for years about how critical it is that climate change be addressed immediately, to no fucking avail. Earlier this year, scientists warned that CO2 levels have risen so high that "we are on a threshold of a new era of geologic history," and not a fun one in which we get to play with dinosaurs and take vacations in the center of the earth. The kind where all our favorite cities are drowned and only the richest of elites get to live outside of squalid climate change refugee camps in Kansas. KANSAS.

In fact, earlier this week, researchers noted that melting ice in the Arctic could mean a return of the dreaded Polar Vortex—not just next winter, but every winter, thanks to the loss of ice insulation up north. On the bright side, we're potentially due for a devastating solar flare strike sometime in the next decade or so, so there's a chance the sun will simply incinerate us before we all melt to death. Oh well, at least we'll be able to leave behind a significant number of Vanderpump Rules episodes before we're gone.