Ryan Lochte has managed to give the most shameful American performance at an Olympics since our 2004 men's basketball team failed to win the gold. As Lochte's story has fallen apart, people have wondered why he's made up this easily refutable story about a gunpoint robbery. Now that the "tweet an apology" step towards redemption is out of the way, Lochte had his redemptive sit-down with Matt Lauer, where the swimmer revealed that...he was drunk when he made up the story. Or rather "I was still intoxicated," in the words of the famously erudite sexy douchebag.

Lochte, with freshly-dyed brown hair, sat down with Lauer to say anything other than "I lied about being robbed" in an interview that had extreme "disappointed parent talking to an evasive child" vibes.

Lochte admitted a couple minutes into the interview that he "over-exaggerated" the story about a cocked and loaded gun being placed at his forehead because he was still drunk hours after the gas station incident. When Lauer asked Lochte point-blank if he had been robbed, Locthe told him "I can't answer that. I don't know, because I was intoxicated." Lochte also, if nothing else, showed an incredible amount of willpower in refusing to understand the difference between being robbed and being asked to pay for damages.

In comparison to Lochte's "I don't know man, I was drunk," story, his teammate Gunnar Bentz put out a statement that more clearly lays out what happened (and still makes Lochte look bad). Bentz said that he and his three teammates "foolishly relieved ourselves on the backside of the building behind some bushes," but that things really got out of hand when "Ryan pulled to the ground a framed metal advertisement that was loosely anchored to the brick wall."

During their confrontation with security guards, who had the foursome sit down on the sidewalk, Bentz says that "Ryan stood up and began to yell at the guards. After Jack and I both tugged at him in an attempt to get him to sit back down, Ryan and the security guards had a heated verbal exchange." Which yeah, all sound like things a really drunk guy would do.

In the aftermath of the interview, the Times suggested that Lochte managed to drag NBC down with him, after none of the reporters or hosts in Rio challenged his account or asked for more details. No one, of course, save for Al fuckin' Roker, who EVISCERATED Lochte as a liar on Today.