Are your kids in the next room playing with their Candy Tails? Google "Santorum." You'll notice that the first result is a website that defines the word as, "The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex." This is because sex columnist Dan Savage vowed to repay bigoted failure and GOP Presidential Candidate Rick Santorum eight years ago for the hateful things he says about the gay community, and BOY is it working. Charlie Cook tells the Daily News, "There is nothing that Santorum can do but just try to ignore it." Or he could whine to the media!

"I suspect if something was up there like that about Joe Biden, they'd get rid of it," the hopeless 2012 GOP candidate recently told Politico, apparently unaware of the Onion's amazing coverage of the Vice President. "To have a business allow that type of filth to be purveyed through their website or through their system is something that they can't handle, but I suspect that's not true." Santorum didn't seem bothered by it before his presidential run, but now he needs all the PR assistance he can muster. Google's hands are tied, and doesn't "remove content from our search results, except in very limited cases such as illegal content and violations of our webmaster guidelines."

Savage says the candidate can donate $5 million to Freedom to Marry, a gay marriage organization, but Santorum would probably rather drink a tall glass of Santorum before backing down.