A ramp worker at JFK airport was arrested yesterday for stealing a suitcase full of $10,000 cash and other expensive goodies after it was accidentally left on the plane. Who would leave a suitcase containing $10,000 on an airplane? The publisher of "the definitive authority on connoisseurship for ultra-affluent consumers," (AKA the Robb Report) William Curtis! This would have never happened had Curtis used the tailor-made leather "lock-brief." Although he would probably need the laser-guided, crocodile skin "Bill Crammer" to fit $10K into that man-purse.
For merely adopting a lonesome briefcase that Curtis probably eschewed for a newer, fancier model anyway, 58-year-old Neville Rhooms was charged with grand larceny and criminal possession of stolen property. Though it's probably what Curtis absentmindedly leaves in a pair of slacks at the dry cleaners, police arrested Rhooms after they found $8,500, Curtis's iPhone and two iPods in his home, the Post reports. At press time Curtis was unavailable for comment, presumably because he was busy piloting a cigarette boat off Fire Island, laughing manically as he hunted the world's Most Dangerous Game.