Earlier this week, the nation turned its attention to the ruthless criminal who stole a woman's iPhone 4 in Ozone Park. Thanks to iGotYa, an app that snaps a photo of whoever is attempting to unlock the phone and emails it to the owner, 23-year-old Queens resident Brian Chattoo was identified by the police and arrested. Hopefully, everyone with an iPhone will download this application so the NYPD can focus on the cases that really matter.

According to CBS Chattoo has been charged with grand larceny, criminal possession of stolen property, and not smiling when a camera phone is taking a picture of him. Realizing that material possessions are pointless impedimenta until we slink off this mortal coil is for losers: we demand sweet justice when someone steals the device we use to send photos of our genitals to other people.