Anonymous sources tell Fox News that President Obama has decided to draw down American troops in Iraq to 3,000 soldiers at the end of the year, and senior commanders are reportedly pissed. Unidentified generals had wanted at least 27,000 soldiers to stick around and compete to be the last to die for a mistake, but Defense Secretary Leon Panetta is reportedly complying with the administration's order. And it makes sense; now that all the weapons of mass destruction have been found and the liberated Iraqis are drunk on unlimited democracy, whiskey, sexy, what more is there for our brave men and women to do? For one thing, military brass says they should stick around Iraq... in order to keep each other safe in Iraq.

"We can't secure everybody with only 3,000 on the ground nor can we do what we need to with the Iraqis," one source tells Fox. Asked for comment, Senator Joe Lieberman said the number is news to him, and that in all the discussions he's had on force strength, he's "never heard a number as low as 3,000 troops to secure the gains Iraqis have won over the years." Such gains! There are currently approximately 47,000 troops stationed in Iraq, and there hasn't been a horrific suicide bomb explosion in almost a week.

The Obama administration has yet to confirm or deny the Fox News report, but give Obama time... to thoughtfully consider all the Republican feedback and work out a compromise to double the current number of troops in Iraq exchange for a pony (which Boehner promises to buy Barry the very next time he goes out to pick up a pack of smokes).