Say you're minding your own business on an early-Autumn Sunday evening in lovely White Plains, when a man you've never met before approaches with raised fist. Do you meekly submit to whatever he intends to do, or defend yourself when he starts thrusting said fist at you? In HUSSEIN OBAMA'S AMERIKA, rejecting an unsolicited terrorist fist jab could land you behind bars, as 30-year-old Ethan Stewart discovered the other night.

The Journal News reports that an unidentified man walked up to Stewart, a Mount Vernon resident, around 11 p.m. and went in for a fist-bump with his left hand. It's unclear whether it was the left-handed bump that offended Stewart, but the unrequited bumper claims Stewart took it as a sign of disrespect, allegedly responding by grabbing the man's right fist and trying "to chest bump him." Because that's how it's done in Mount Vernon? (Fists bumps are so 2000-late.)

This odd tale gets weirder; according to the report, the nameless fist-bumper believed Stewart was going to punch him, and in the ensuing struggle the two men fell to the ground. The bumper, whom the Journal News is describing as the "victim," believed Stewart had a weapon in his jacket pocket, so he pinned Stewart to the ground and waited for police. They came! Stewart was arrested and charged with third-degree menacing, a misdemeanor. The mystery man with the overly-friendly fist was not charged, and set free to go out and bump again and again, until he gets a Congressional Medal of Honor.