Maybe those rescued kayakers who thought it was a good idea to paddle during a hurricane Saturday night just had a momentary lapse of judgement. However, after reading the Daily News' account of the NYPD's rescue off of Great Kills, Staten Island, it's considerably tougher to keep an open mind. While one of the first thrill-seekers was "grateful to be alive, apologetic," his buddy was "trying to save his cell phone, get it inside a Ziploc bag as we're trying to get him into the boat," one of the heroic, infinitely patient officers said, "even though I can see water sloshing around inside the bag."

Another one of the three officers who jumped into the police boat at around 7:15 p.m. to make the rescue sets the scene: "It's dark, the water's getting rougher, the wind is about 50 knots, you can see lightning in the distance." The officers detail how it was pure luck that they found them so quickly—just under an hour—in the "thick fog," because it was one of the first places they decided to look, and they were grateful because "it would have been easy to lose them in the chop."

Naturally, the cell phone-fetishist begins to defend his honor as soon as he's rescued: "Even afterward, he's trying to downplay how bad the weather was. That's when we gave him a few choice words about them being out there. And us." Cellphones: even if they aren't giving you brain cancer, our moronic attachment to them can be deadly.