I sincerely hope you are reading this from the comfort of your favorite five blankets, tightly wrapped like a sub sandwich in tinfoil, because it's going to stay tired in here all day long. Indeed, conditions promise only to get sleepier as we trundle toward the afternoon, and there's really nothing you can do about it except snooze. According to my sources, the rain will really pick up around 1 p.m., a relentless spew that threatens to dissolve your tenuous grip on reality AND the railing on the waterlogged subway stairs. The National Weather Service expects up to an inch of rainfall overnight, with clammy temps and cloud cover that is dense and heavy like a shark.

Right now, it's a soggy about-58 degrees outside, with suggestive breezes promising more mist to come. A chance of rain lingers all day, rising to a likelihood around 6 p.m. Things really get wavy around 9 p.m., when the NWS starts forecasting occasional rain, but AccuWeather places the odds of downpours at around 80 to 90 percent. So I guess it kind of comes down to whose story you believe, but isn't that always the case?

Anyway, one bright spot (and to be clear, in a literal sense, there will be zero bright spots today: Cloud clover appears flatlined around 97 percent until the sun goes to bed this evening) in all of this slosh is that you won't have to worry about frisky winds whipping your hair into wily snakes. Or, you won't have to worry about it too much: today's bluster is not slated to scream above 11 mph, which equates to a gentle breeze on the Beaufort scale ("leaves and small twigs constantly moving, light flags extended," how jaunty).

Rain will likely continue overnight, drying out in time for your commute tomorrow morning. Then, temps may rise back into the mid-60s, as the sun returns to its regular post. Really, it's just today and tonight that we'll be mired in prime napweather: the rest of the week looks regular, even occasionally promising ("times of clouds and sun," per AccuWeather). What to do while waiting out the deluge? I don't know how you prepared for the flood, but I'll be sitting over here in this pillow fort, sawing faces into all the spooky squash I've stockpiled in my squash locker. I hope you do the same!

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