A major storm is careening up the coast and headed our way, intent on crushing the dreams of travelers hoping to spend Thanksgiving anywhere but curled up on the floor of the airport next to the Chili's To Go window, trying to blot out the unceasing fluorescent lights by placing a square of Chipotle Chicken Flatbread you found on the carpet over your eyes.
Is there hope? Hard to say. As of 2:15 p.m., 142 flights across the U.S. have been cancelled, with over 2,400 more delayed, according to Flightstats. Some major airlines—including Delta, US Airways, United and JetBlue—have already waived their change/cancellation fees, enabling customers traveling on Wednesday and Thursday to rebook their flights for free.
Whether you take advantage of that deal is a question you must look deep inside yourself to answer, or apply the following simple equation: Distance from Your Home to The Airport (miles) x Flight Destination (km) / Total Weight of Family Members You Want To See (oz.) - Combined Volume of Uncles After Egg Nog (dB). Multiply the total by .10, and take a shot of Gilby's gin—no chaser. If your end result is between -475 and .7, you may as well just reapply your slipper socks and get back on your couch. There's still some gin left.
