Maybe it was that shoddy parallel job outside the laundromat, or that hydrant-humping massacre in front of the Chinese joint. It doesn't matter, it's all one big mistake, signs of a world gone mad. But not you. Not tonight. Is "Pinball Wizard" a weird song for donning leather gloves, shaking your can of paint, pumping yourself up? So what. You're a Parking Wizard. And it's time all youse shitty parkers paid.

CBS reports that the vandal has struck two cars so far in Glendale, Queens. One message was succinct, if profane: "HEY SHITBAG PARK RIGHT!"

The other message seemed more mindful that children are future parkers of the world: "LEARN TO PARK S BAG."

“There was no way another car would have fit there,” a neighbor said of one of the allegedly poor parking jobs. “A smart car was even too big for it.” Too big for a smart car. But what about a smart driver?