A new study out of Cornell University could open up a lot more doors for academics working in the field of sexuality research. The study, which was published in the peer-reviewed journal PLoS One, measured the pupil dilation in 325 men and women of various sexual orientations while they were being exposed to "male and female erotic stimuli." The study found that the pupil dilation in most subjects corresponded with their stated sexual orientation. In other words...

The study has researchers all excited because it suggests an easier, non-invasive way to conduct their sexual research, without having to persuade subjects to attach wires and suction cups to their genitals. According to the study, "heterosexual men showed strong pupillary responses to sexual videos of women, and little to men; heterosexual women, however, showed pupillary responses to both sexes. This result confirms previous research suggesting that women have a very different type of sexuality than men." Or could it be that ladies are simply hotter?

But where some see scientific advancement, others see a terrifying new world of bigoted anti-gay retinal scan checkpoints at every homophobic border. We're speaking specifically of the good ol' Examiner, which scaremongers thus: "In light of the Chick-fil-A controversy that blossomed into pro and anti gay marriage demonstrations last week, one has to wonder if this new technology will be adopted by companies and governments (like Alabama’s government) that are distinctly and definitely biased in matters of sexual orientation."

Does one have to wonder? Somehow we doubt it, but researcher Gerulf Rieger gamely replied to the Examiner's inquiry anyway. If you read his response closely, you can almost hear his heavy, world-weary sigh at actually having to respond to this shit. "The Canadian government has tried such in the 60s and it did not work," Rieger said. "They had too many technical problems. In addition, these measures tell you something about differences between groups more than between individual people, so even with today's technology they are not precise enough to be used as perfect gaydar.” Whatever, we're sure someone's launching a Kickstarter for a line of gaydar-thwarting contact lenses anyway.