Many Dads aspire to be The World's Greatest, but greatness can't be bought with Super Sweet Sixteens or ice cream for breakfast. Sometimes it's not the size of your heart but the size of your padlock: a 35-year-old father was arrested yesterday after showing up to his daughter's high school carrying a heavy chain and padlock, demanding to know, "Who's f*cking my daughter?" So it was pretty much exactly like that one episode of Full House when John Stamos beats a day care employee with a tire iron for not cutting up the twins' sandwiches.

Michael Canaii allegedly arrived at the High School of Graphic Communication Arts on West 49th Street at 9 a.m. clad in all-black attire, demanding to speak to the principal. "He was yelling and complaining that his daughter was smoking weed and not listening to him, and he wanted the school to do something about that," a law enforcement source told the Post. Presumably Canaii was also brandishing a copy of the National Education Association report that cautions against making judgments against parents perceived to be uninvolved with their child's academic career.

"He was swinging the chain saying, 'I'm going to fuck you all up.' One guy said something sly, and he took off after the guy and ran into the school," a source inside the school told the tabloid. According to the source, Canaii also "asked two students to take their stuff off and fight him in the lobby. He also asked security agents and a dean to 'fight' him as he was swinging a big chain around yelling, 'No one is going to touch me.' "

Canaii was arrested for criminal possession of a weapon, menacing, and marijuana possession, heroically showing his daughter the perils of being caught with weed. At press time we were unable to confirm that this is the same Michael Canaii who went on a naked crime spree in East Flatbush in 2010, but his attorney says 2012 Canaii feared his daughter was involved in gang activity. "He's a decent father," Canaii's aunt, Sondra Williams said, noting that Canaii's daughter lives with her mother, hopefully out of the distribution zone of the New York Post.