Long after the Valentine's Day roses wilt and the chocolate is eaten, the scent of used panties remains. This is the brilliant premise that two young women behind a used-panties-for-hire business have hatched to weather this tough economy (damn economy!) Our very own Carrie Dennis spoke to one of the women in a chance encounter on the subway last night. The 20-year-old entrepreneur, who directed us towards her Craigslist ad, and said she was on her way to move some product, gave us some insight into her foolproof business model.

  • Five clients were meeting her (the woman declined to give her name) in Union Square to pick up $400 worth of panties. She meets them in public places like a Starbucks or a park, and they chat for a few minutes before making the transaction.
  • "The tinier the panties, the more money." This means that the $3 lacy thongs she buys at Strawberry can fetch up to $80, whereas a pair of boy shorts are a modest $45.
  • Does she actually wear them? "I stick them in my pants for a little." Dennis left it at that.
  • However, some clients want to see photos of her wearing the panties from the waist down, others want a facial shot, and others don't care. The Panty Profiteer accommodates any special request, and prices the panties accordingly.
  • Those clients include "Wall Street men, men with children," or pretty much any sad scenario that you can think of in which a woman might not know that her significant other is huffing another woman's panties.
  • A few of the clients have requested to "touch themselves" in her presence, which she declines to participate in. "I draw the line there." Still, she prefers to meet her clients because she saves money by cutting out PayPal and the Post Office (hear that, USPS? Time for a special on shipping soiled panties!).
  • Putting the words "hot," "young," or "college" in your advertisement for soiled panties is SEO gold. No surprise there.
  • "Men are creatures!" Dennis says the woman repeated this "about seven times."

Enjoy these artisanal panties now, before the bogus mass-produced ones start showing up in your office vending machines.