Brownstone Brooklyn is an agglutination of neighborhoods mostly consisting of Park Slope, Clinton Hill, Fort Greene, Cobble Hill, Prospect Heights, Brooklyn Heights, and Bedford Stuyvesant. Although these neighborhoods don't share the same zip codes, they are wholly united in the minds of real estate brokers looking to sell the image of gentrified Brooklyn without muddying the waters with the reality of...the rest of Brooklyn. To that end, Ideal Properties has released its inaugural "profile of home buyers in Brownstone Brooklyn" quarterly report [PDF], which analyzes who is buying property in this precious chopped up sliver of Brooklyn. And you'll be totally shocked to learn that high-income earners are buying up all these properties.

"The reality is that people with deeper pockets and a lot more cash available are buying in the area," Aleksandra Scepanovic, managing director of Ideal Properties, told DNAInfo. The biggest change over the last year is in the income bracket of $300K+: they account for 30% of the buying market right now, which is 98% more than in the previous quarter, and 316% more than a year ago.

That's all well and good (for them), but we want to know more about the people who live in this "Brownstone Brooklyn." Thankfully, Ideal Properties offers this profile of the average local, which we've expanded on for further sociological reference:

If you have purchased a property in Brownstone Brooklyn in 1Q 2014, you are most likely to be a 31 to 40-year-old male, member of a two-person household, who has already been living in a property you owned in Brooklyn prior to purchasing in order to upgrade your living situation.

You have most likely purchased your property without seeking a loan, and you have most likely looked at properties in Park Slope, Brooklyn Heights, Carroll Gardens, Cobble Hill, Prospect Heights, Fort Greene or Williamsburg prior to purchasing.

Your salary is most likely between $100,000 and $199,999 per year, and you are most likely working in accounting, finance, sales, legal or marketing fields. You are most likely not self-employed.

You have most likely put down 20 percent on your property. Your first offer on the property you ended up purchasing has most likely been below its asking price, but you have ended up paying over its asking price. You have most likely had between $200,000 and $299,999 available to you in liquid funds for the purchase.

You most likely pepper your speech with "dude" and "bro," and don't see anything wrong with the local bodega turning into a Duane Reade or a Dunkin' Donuts.

You have most likely savored the most expensive latte, purchased the most expensive haircut, and devoured the most expensive hamburger in NYC. You have most likely mentioned these facts in a blase manner at sports bars and dinner parties with complete strangers.

You most likely wish that people would stop talking about gentrification already, what else needs to be said about it? You most likely just flipped your brownstone in ProCro for a sweet profit.

You most likely have worn skinny khakis. You might in fact be wearing them right now as you close this tab.

You most likely have paid for someone to stand on line and get you cronuts, only to complain that they weren't warm when they were hand-delivered, regardless of whether they were supposed to be warm. You have most likely bought products from an artisanal flavored mayonnaise store.

In summation, analysts say you were most likely born into wealth and privilege and have been coddled by cash every comfortable step of the way. You most likely have never worried for money and feel uncomfortable when others mention their own struggles to keep up with the obscene rent and cost of living in post-Bloomberg NYC. You will most likely die still ensconced in your steadily-expanding bubble of wealth and privilege. You most likely are an alien.