Smog-free air is simply too expensive, and in light of today's unemployment report, America—and President Obama's reelection campaign—just can't afford it, the White House essentially decided today. A little over a month ago, the head of the EPA said that George Bush's ozone pollution standards were "not legally defensible," and it was widely anticipated that Obama would impose stricter limits this summer. Today, the opposite happened.

After a review, the White House concluded that implementing the standards under consideration (which would have tightened the Bush-era standard of 75 parts per billion) would cost private businesses anywhere between $19 billion and $90 billion, depending on how strict it would be. Obama said in a statement, "Work is already underway to update a 2006 review of the science that will result in the reconsideration of the ozone standard in 2013. Ultimately, I did not support asking state and local governments to begin implementing a new standard that will soon be reconsidered."

And by the time 2013 rolls around, President Bachmann will abolish the EPA altogether so American business will no longer be handcuffed by these job-killing regulations. Obama's decision overrules the unanimous opinion of its independent panel of scientific advisers—infuriating environmentalists, progressives, and humans who breathe. But well-tanned lizard people like House Speaker John Boehner were pleased by the decison. Sort of. Boehner's flack called it "a good first step toward removing obstacles that are blocking business growth," the AP reports.

"The Obama administration is caving to big polluters at the expense of protecting the air we breathe," said Gene Karpinski, the president of the League of Conservation Voters. "This is a huge win for corporate polluters and huge loss for public health." At press time, it was unclear which environmentally-conscious Republican candidate the League of Conservation Voters would throw their support behind in the next election.