The Staten Island Advance didn't even have to leave the parking lot to break news this morning, when staffers called police after finding some luggage left behind by a truck driver who dropped off coupons for the Sunday edition. Investigators say the man, identified through photocopies of a resident alien card and a North Carolina driver’s license, is not on a terrorist watch list, but what he left behind at the Advance office—after changing his clothes—is a bit peculiar. Besides semi-literate ramblings about "my thoughts on being a sincere Muslim as the war on terrorist," police found the following in his leather briefcase and black canvas suitcase:

  • Tax returns dating back to 199
  • A wedding invitation
  • Black dress shoes
  • A damaged cell phone wrapped in a yellow napkin
  • A wooden gavel protected by plastic
  • A soccer jersey with an Arabic inscription
  • A 2003 guide to using Excel and a book about writing called "Passages."

The Advance reports that the writings seemed "more about freedom of religion than a terror threat" and include a letter addressed to Dan which says, "I believe that the big role in this war should be carried on all Muslim leaders in all ARAB countries, who should broadcast worldwide the Academic Muslims to teach the Quran in its true spirit. I believe that the lazy Muslim leaders and the lazy academic scientists in religion who are Muslim, are responsible for this mess."

One officer tells the Advance, "The delivery driver decided to change his clothes and he left everything behind. It’s better safe than sorry. We had the whole dog and pony show here, but it’s all worth it." Well, the investigators may be placated, but you can't fool those perspicacious commenters on the Advance website. Comment number one, "Resident alien and North Carolina... start worrying!" is swiftly followed by comment number two: "Sounds like a dry run to me." If they don't catch this guy, next time he might leave a copy of Photoshop for Dummies.