A taxidermied deer, apparently discarded by its owner this morning, is settling into its new habitat in a metal trash can on 159th Street and Amsterdam Avenue.

As a Bona Fide Taxidermy Expert (based on one memorable day spent ripping open and rebuilding a sparrow), I can say that the deer was stuffed shoddily, at best. See the stitching trailing across its belly as it leans drunkenly askew in its new garbage-lined home? Subpar. No wonder it was tossed aside!

Contemplative Fox it is not, but then, is this not the season to pity all broke-down creatures, be they Haggard Christmas Tree or Bent Deer Corpse? Would a good scrubbing not restore its once lustrous fur, now matted with the grease from so many slices of old pizza? Would some additional stuffing not fill its wrinkled, distorted torso? Would a fresh coat of paint not make it the perfect gift to your in-laws to repay them for that Weight Watchers membership? Alternatively: