The Parks Department throws one hell of a holiday party. The Daily News reported today that seasonal female employees have allegedly been pressured to bare order to secure full-time employment with the salacious city agency. The story is rife with choice quotes and mesmerizing illustrations, including a stock photo of a woman using a sapling tree as a pole upon which to dance. I don't think copyright laws permit us to use that brilliant piece of imagery, but Fair Use Blog Act of 1872 does allow us to extract some of the best written tidbits from the story:

The clandestine parties were held in a so-called “boom boom” room at a city-owned facility on Randalls Island. And the seasonal workers who “got on the pole” were rewarded with additional work or permanent jobs, sources told The News.

A Department of Investigation spokesperson declined to elaborate on which "city-owned facility" could possibly double as a "boom boom" room, forcing us to speculate: Was it the DEP Wastewater Treatment Plant? The Manhattan Psychiatric Center? One of the area's several festive homeless shelters? (located on Wards Island, but close enough.) None of these sound like suitable locales for such a fete, but perhaps the "boom boom" room is in the eye of the beholder. Anyway, with enough imagination, a wastewater treatment facility can magically transform into luxe night club! And look, over there! No, it's not a pile of sticks stuck together with duct tape—it's a stripper pole!

The crew fashioned a temporary stripper’s pole out of a huge wire spool and pieces of wood left in the telecommunications room. A short ladder was set up to allow access to the pole platform, and once the booze started flowing, women were encouraged to climb up.

If you are going to promote stripping among your employees, it is advisable to pony up the $86.95 for a pole that won't cause splinters. But even this wasn't enough to sate the increasingly entitled Parks Overlords:

The men started demanding a lot more. They were like, ‘You want us to give you money, show us something,’ ” she recalled. “And for the New Year’s party, it got really grabby. Some women stripped to their panties and bras, and men were slapping asses. It was out of control.

Wait, what? What the hell kind of office throws a New Year's party? While stripping and ass-slapping certainly have a place at any NY's bash worth its weight in nipple tassels, January 1 is a time to spend in the company of dear friends and alcohol-sodden strangers, not your coworkers.

The city Department of Investigation launched a probe into the holiday party shenanigans. It is also investigating bombshell sexual harassment complaints, including a woman’s allegation that a supervisor accosted her when they were alone in an elevator. He lifted her shirt and ran his tongue across her stomach before shoving his face in her crotch, according to the complaint.

Once again, we see that elevators are nothing but mobile torture chambers, like shark cages that trap you inside, with the shark. Stairs, always.

Of course, the Parks Department is far from winning the title of "most corrupt city agency." Which does raise some questions about where Sanitation keeps its boom boom room.