There are probably innumerable reasons why you shouldn't swim in Shell Bank Creek, but here's the best one: because it's filled with shit. Four businesses, including a TGI Fridays, the UA Sheepshead Bay theater, Knapp Street Bagels and the Deauville Marina, were accused of illegally dumping raw sewage, which contained toilet paper and fecal matter, into Shell Bank Creek, which flows into Jamaica Bay. Investigators used green dye to trace the discharges, which as you can see from the picture above, was suffocating the creek with its craptacular putridity.

Three employees and one landlord were given felony environmental crime charges for their role in polluting the water for seven years, despite repeated warnings from officials. The area doesn't connect to city sewer lines, but the businesses failed to repair the private wastewater lines that they all shared. Local residents and neighbors of the shops have long complained about the noxious odor of the area: "I've been living here for 12 years. That creek stinks...It smells like a backed-up toilet. On a rainy day, forget about it. You have to carry Febreze," the too-perfectly-named Minnie Colon told the News.

Craig Novoa, manager of the United Artists Sheepshead Bay Stadium 14 movie theater; Simon Shin, manager of Knapp Street Bagel; Alex Spivak, landlord for the TGI Friday's, and David Matalon, manager of Deuville Marina, were all arrested. They face up to four years in prison if convicted, and their businesses face millions of dollars in fines ($75,000 for each day the pollution was discharged). One could perhaps even say that these men are truly up shit's creek.