Rats in New York City have long since abandoned any pretense of decorum. (At least back in the 19th century they'd use a handkerchief to wipe their mouths after feasting on tenement babies.) These days they're scurrying around inside our subway trains, scampering over our donuts, and hiding inside grandpa's birthday cake. And now, inevitably, the rats are just one hotwired car away from a road trip to Montauk. SEE IT:

A Daily News photographer spotted the hubcap rat fiesta on Avenue D near 10th Street this morning. The photographer, who is named Sam Costanza and never tires of hearing people pronounce his last name as if it's the "By Mennen" jingle, tells the News, "As females walk by these bastards jump out and scare 'em. It's quite a sight." Ha, those females, right? These rats know better than to try to scare any males, because they'll wind up painted pink and inside a filthy male mouth. Last place anyone wants to be.

The article's insipid lede—"Rats disgusting!"—coupled with today's front page "Buber" pun have further inflamed rumors that the Daily News has been secretly sold to Vincent Adultman, a former stockbroker famous for doing a business but not the slightest clue how to run a newspaper.

Anyway, the rats are coming for you, if they haven't already. Keep the toilet lid DOWN.