More uplifting news from the Gulf: the brown pelican, which was taken off the endangered species list just last year, could be facing endangerment again! Dozens of brown pelicans have been brought to rescue centers, so coated in the slick oil that their markings were barely visible. Though some of the birds have been released back into the wild. federal officials said 612 "damaged" birds have been cataloged since the rig explosion—most of them dead. National Wildlife Federation Doug Inkley told the Times, “The pelicans are in dire trouble." Gee, ya think?

Back on solid Louisiana ground, President Obama sucked on what must now be some expensive crawfish in Grand Isle, where the oil spill has been hitting the local fishing industry. He said in his weekly internet address, "These folks work hard. They meet their responsibilities. But now because of a man made catastrophe...their lives have been thrown into turmoil. It's brutally unfair." Obama has already charged BP for some of the spill, and promised, "We will make sure they pay every single dime owed to the people along the Gulf coast."

The cap placed over the gushing oil leak continues to only capture a fraction of the oil, which continues to wash up on the shores and is now ruining some peoples' vacations! Beachfront hotels in Alabama are providing solvents for guests' feet, and one woman who moved to the beach after surviving Hurricane Katrina said, "I feel like I've gone from owning a piece of paradise to owning a toxic waste dump." P.J. Hahn, director of coastal zone management for Louisiana's Plaquemines Parish, said the disaster is reaching biblical proportions. "In Revelations it says the water will turn to blood. That's what it looks like out here—like the Gulf is bleeding. This is going to choke the life out of everything." Amen.