Yesterday, realizing that he hadn't done or said anything sufficiently crazy in nearly a month, former Republican gubernatorial punching bag Carl Paladino sent out a lengthy, ranty letter to reporters lambasting Capital Tonight anchor Liz Benjamin and biased journalists everywhere with his usual aplomb and class: "Liz, your opinions on me are like armpits, everyone has them and most of them stink." Do you hear that? It's the sound of Carl enjoying the kerplunk of another turd in the punchbowl!

Specifically, he was motivated to write Benjamin because of a recent "pathetic" interview with Governor-elect Andrew Cuomo, in which he alleged she spoon-fed him softballs: "Maybe it's your youth, immaturity, inexperience, or what appears to be an endless desire to ingratiate yourself with people in power. Whatever it is, it's not consistent with the Mantel of Journalism but it will be the reason you will not make it to the big time." There are more fun bizarre rantings in which he compares Bill O'Reilly with Walter Kronkite, uses Animal Farm as an extended metaphor for bad journalists, obsesses over Steven Rattner, and vows to one day reveal the truth about "Lisa, Margaret, and Debra," the three women he alleges were Cuomo's paramours when he was married.

The letter is dated Nov. 24, but was only sent out to the media yesterday according to his secretary. This may have been spurned on because of comments his former campaign manager Michael Caputo made about the troubled campaign earlier this week; at the end of the letter, under the heading "CC: Everybody," he wrote: "Caputo misspoke about my interview with Maggie Haberman...Caputo also misspoke about the hiring of an investigator to investigate myself. It never happened. And by the way, nobody cared about the E-mails except the press and campaign consultants, as evidenced by the results of the primary." Phew, glad we got all that unnecessary stuff nobody cares about anymore cleared up!